Twins – Yes that = 2

Twin Meltdown, if you are a parent of a singleton you cannot even begin to imagine the trauma of a twin meltdown, no seriously. Fuck Off, you have no idea, don’t even try to comprehend or even suggest that you’re 5 year old and 3 year once kicked off in Tesco’s, so you know exactly what we are going through, you don’t.

They do it with maximum effect waiting till we are solo, then attacking with high pitched screams and literally throwing anything they have across the room. Normally, this is because as parents we have fucked up, all because we only bought one toy, never two of the same.

Are we stupid, seriously, let’s look at the facts, there are two of them (hence the name TWINS) we dress them in the same clothes, something we said we would never do, but it saves arguments (plus looks cute) but we never buy two of the same toy……why – simple, Dad (me) is a tight arse.

We have Twin #1 who is hard as fucking nails, If she were a Top Trump she would be the card to have, with added skills such as walking and running, she has a distinct advantage over Twin #2 who only bum shuffles, slow but stealthy.

Twin#2 however is sly, and also laughs whenever someone falls over or is seen crying, which is a little embarrassing as a parent.

Talking of embarrassing only this week our delightful soon to be 5 year old Son, asked whilst out shopping, why that man over there was so fat, I am still not sure why he felt the need to point, given said fatty was just 5 feet away and could clearly see who my son was refereeing too.

Kids eh,