We have been together 8 years 1 month and 2 days, in this lifetime (feels like it some days) my darling wife has never called me Sweetheart. That was until yesterday!
There is something so patronising and sinister, yet when combined with a frosty look you just know that your life could come to an abrupt end very quickly.
Why on this lovely Sunday afternoon was I being referred to as a sweetheart, was it due to Daddy’s earlier driving Skills swiftly burning off a Ford Fiesta at the lights. Such moments require celebrating and this was completed with a double toot of the horn as we passed quickly before 2 lanes became 1 and the dark knight was flat out AKA the wife’s new 7 seater.
Sadly not, to put ‘sweetheart’ into context my wife was referring to the lost bunny, you see all 3 of our children, immediately after birth were presented with bunny’s to act as comfort blankets. Now, Henrietta quite literally fell in love immediately, you rarely see one without the other. So during yesterday’s trip to Zoo, you guessed it Dick Head was in charge of the pram, hence full responsibility.
At this point it’s good to point out that we are not a family that proportions blame to anyone, but today, well…………clearly I needed fucking telling.
Where is the bunny, the tone become louder and more panicked, seriously where is Henrietta’s bunny, my blank facial expression soon turned to panic Although she loves the shit out of her bunny, occasionally they fall out (no pun intended) and often this will result in Henrietta completing the highland toss, like an Olympian distance is key.
It was at this very point, I had realised just how serious this situation had become, “I suggest you go and find Henrietta’s bunny quickly…..sweetheart”
SWEETHEART – it was that last word, why, honestly. Why make this personal it was those eyes, I was scared and I think I may have let out a little bit of wee at this point.
Frantically thinking of an excuse, I re-traced our steps like a mad man, asking every single Zoo employee if they had seen a pink Jelly Cat bunny, slightly bruised and battered with a chewed up face.
Failure was upon me, but us dad’s don’t give up that easy do we, so I quickly hid hoping I wouldn’t be found – but like a bad penny I was busted.
Sheer panic sets in, what will my punishment be, after the reading book incident with school surely my day’s are numbered. Homework…..
To Be Continued…………………………..