Homework…..

I often write about taking life to seriously, it’s true that none of us are Peter Pan and some would look better in green than others. But through this journey we should laugh and have as much fun as is legally possible.

Last week I took my role as a parent seriously, however my wife and my son’s school teacher obviously think differently. It must be a male female thing.

I knew things had gone slightly Pete Tong when my wife called asking me just what the fuck I had written in our sons reading books, after an appointment had been arranged to meet with our son’s new teacher. I immediately began to laugh, but was soon reminded that my bollocks could be removed at any given opportunity or to worse effect I could face a sex ban.

Each evening we are asked to read to our son, once this deed has been completed we are to comment on their enjoyment of progress in a reading diary.  This is no Adrian Mole diary, let’s be very clear.

Reading the comments, I was falling asleep, here I saw an opportunity to spice things up – mistake #1.

It would appear that the school and in fact both the teaching assistant and the real teacher take such diaries seriously with all comments being read and discussed.

Therefore praising my son for listening so well must have come with a welcome smile. I can imagine both the teacher and teaching assistant exchanging nods and smiling whilst glancing over and then seeing him perform his best T Rex impression before probably farting out loud and then laughing.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, except its always to fucking late, but I should have left it there, it was a great night, Teddy was loving each sentence and expression, normally we end the evening wrestling with me often taking several punches to the balls, I think it was the taking punches to the balls comment that probably turned the smiles and nods into shock and horror.

Then we have the phonics diary, probably suggesting that the school needs to send help immediately as I have just be hustled by a 4 year old wasn’t the best choice of words that were available.

Friday morning my wife readily armed with the twins in case anything kicked off met with Teddy’s teacher, when questioned about the notes my wife’s response was simple and to the point, sadly Teddy’s father is a dick, not a funny dick just a dick.

In order to cover the confusion during school drop offs and pickups, I now introduce myself as Richard, Teddy’s dad.