Bloody Ikea

It’s a gene disfigurement, but unless you’re a raving homosexual, shopping is not at the forefront of any males mind when deciding how to spend a Saturday afternoon.

However, shopping for a new car or TV and we can be easily persuaded, yet the thought of spending an afternoon following arrows on the floor and not being able to exit till you have toured every fucking fake bedroom, bathroom or kitchen….welcome to the hell that is IKEA.

I love the Swede’s I really do, after all I am frequent visitor with work and Volvo produce some of the worlds safest cars on the road, being a parent this is important, but IKEA, the home of arguments and marriage breakups.

Cultural Differences – My 1st Swedish Fail.

I have yet to experience a trip which hasn’t resulted in cross words, in fact the first row I had with my wife was whilst in Ikea, back in 2008, in a certain natural light you can still see the bruising under my right cheekbone.

People watching is a sport, and Ikea has to be the stadium of choice, armed with a tape measure and a mini pencil things could erupt at any given moment.

Then you have those that just have to walk against the flow of traffic, constantly apologising, or those that obviously achieved a Grade C in GCSE drama acting out there lives in a fake kitchen imaging just what it would be like if this was in there house, ignoring the other 27 people in the room, I shit you not I saw a couple on Saturday lying in a fucking bed together, covers over and having a conversation – like this was normal fucking behaviour.

Ikea brings the worst out in people, my favourite aspect is slowly exiting and watching all those who have purchased a 7 foot tall wardrobe and watching them shake their heads in total disgust that those 3 boxes won’t fit in a Vauxhall Astra, then follows the condescending voice “I bloody told you so, but you never listen do you”.

The business model is genius, the products all offer great value for money and you always end up leaving with more shit that you intended to buy.

Plus with every boxed purchase you receive a free alan key, can you ever have enough alan keys?