Happy Birthday

365 days, 8,760 minutes and a whopping 525,600 seconds…… last week we celebrated the twins 1st birthday, I describe them as twins but they couldn’t be any different from a personality perspective.

It has been an epic journey, at the beginning the wife and spent most of it wired on sugar and caffeine, it has been undoubtedly the toughest and most challenging period of my life and when anyone comments that having twins must be wonderful – you haven’t got a fucking clue!

Below is my honest look back at a year with Twins – and a Toddler.


I wasn’t and I still shudder with the discomfort and prolonged exposure to no sleep – having twins is fucking hard and nothing will ever exposure you to the pressures of life with no sleep when having twins or any child in fact.

Advice – Buy an expensive mattress – because when you do fall asleep for 8 minutes you want it to be the best 8 minutes of your fucking life.

Poo Bags

In reality yes, you place a dirty nappy full of shit into a bag and then it goes into the bin – but quality here is key, you never, never want to experience a bag full of baby shit x 2 explode, the gagging the smell, the realisation it’s on your jeans. I don’t need to continue.


The initial 6 months is damaging to the male brain, your wife will want to dress them in the latest Next collection but in 3 weeks they will have outgrown that lovely baby grow with a picture of a farm animal, you know its reached breaking point when the local Hermes delivery man is a regular morning visitor – I swear my toddler thinks he is father Christmas.

Bottle Feeding

Wash, sterilise, warm – initially we were completing this activity for 16 bottles a day – then the whole process of warming the milk, is it too warm or too cold – I don’t care I just want to fucking sleep!

Being Famous

Yes – having twins attracts attention, a bit like a Labrador puppy – but imagine two puppies, people will literally cross broken glass to have a look or to tell you that they have a friend who is a twin – well fuck me I win as I actually have twins!

It has been an incredible journey and its true – life passes you by so quickly, that said every night at 9pm we find ourselves in bed….slowly catching back up.