Child Dominance

Terrorism is defined as the use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims, basically broken down in today’s world means taking advantage of innocent people and creating media attention and confusion in what is already a complicated world.

We have seen great tragedy across Europe in past weeks and months with the gross mindless fucking stupidity of a small minority.

However, as a parent this isn’t my greatest fear, no my greatest fear is avoiding a meltdown or avoiding the amazing hand to eye co-ordination my 4 year old has with his fist and my balls. I hope this is just a height issue and shortly those punches will be lost within daddies six pack (my arse).

I swear that our 4 year old is already auditioning for a role with world dominance, he has us quite literally shit scared and we bow to his demands, all of them.

Are we alone or is this a stage that parenting takes us upon, the fear of upsetting the apple cart or in our case waking the twins.

Saturday he is able to take himself to the toilet, Sunday is obviously his day of rest and here I am taking him to the toilet, I fucking swear he is smiling at me laughing inside.

He demands his IPad yet it is just 4 foot form where he is sat, we are not taking this shit anymore, the wife and I acknowledge each other through the simple nod of the head.

Son – this is going to get messy, if you want your Ipad I suggest you go and collect it yourself.

The confused look on his face – how dare they, how very dare they not rise to my demands, looking deep into my eyes, he asks WHY?…….

Why What – why do I have to get it, he has a point, normally we hand deliver this with a sarcastic smile, you always bring it to me. Maybe so, but not today. But Why?

3 letters, one word – WHY, this causes me so much FUCKING frustration it is untrue.

At this point the wife is nowhere to be seen,  but here I am now in a lengthy debate trying to explain why I am not passing my 4 year old son his Ipad, this may seem very trivial but I am standing my ground.

Defending the Why questions like Andy Murray on Centre Court, loudly cheering inside with every back hand.

Im getting nowhere, tying myself up in knots as to why a 38 year old, healthy fit male is unable to move 2 foot to collet an Ipad and hand deliver this to his first born who is just 4 foot away.

He has me, his fore hand is powerful and explosive, I’m becoming tired, I give in and yet again I am beaten by a 4 year old.

Wife walks in – smiles then reminds me just how fucked I am when the twins start talking!