This weekend we spent time with friends and what can only be described as the wedding of the year celebrating the love between Kirsty and Paul was both special and touching.
Given we were leaving the twins at home with plenty of food and water we took the opportunity to have an adventure ditching the traditional hotel for a glamping experience. Basically a large oval shaped garden shed with a TV, better than a tent and cheaper than a hotel – happy days.
The 9 hour journey was fucking awful, can you imagine having to listen to Peppa Pig on repeat for 9 hours, well I have lived that hell, trying to convince a 4 year old to watch something else is like trying to convince the public that remaining in Europe is the right decision (which it is). However on both points I lost.
Waving the wife off at 7pm to spend time with the beautiful bride and her fellow bridesmaids, this was now officially Teddy and Daddy time.
Fuck me – where do I start, normally bed time is a controlled environment which is always overseen by the wife, stepping in to regain control whenever Teddy is playing me for a fool, well on Friday night he was Mr T and he was definitely no fool, that………. Was me.
On reflection Ted was a cocktail – 9 hours strapped into his car seat watching the spoilt bitch grunt around on his DVD player, a full stomach on all the shit he isn’t normally allowed, but being a parent is about picking your battles. Surely at some point he was either going to flake out or explode.
That exact point was at 9.48pm, “Daddy, oh no Daddy” let’s pause there, the tone the look in his eye – something wasn’t right. Has he just seen a spider, was he also missing mummy. All of those would have been acceptable, I could have become the hero – removing the spider or calling mummy so we could both hear her comforting voice.
No – that would be too easy, instead I was the parent now covered in sick, and I mean fucking covered.
Covered in sick and standing in a wooden hut was not how I planned on spending my Friday evening, cries of my wife’s name rang out but then it dawned – shit she wasn’t here – what the fuck happens now?
Carnage – that’s what, with Ted freaked out at just how much his dad was covered in potato and carrots he began to scream – I stood there looking around and couldn’t believe the mess, then the smell, holy shit the smell.
We are stood in a wooden box – the distinct smell of pine and sick is not a fragrance that will soon be making an appearance in a candle shop.
Teddy scanning the room he notices that T Rex and his Puppy are also covered in sick, the crying intensifies, but I need to man up so I wipe away the tears and take control.
By taking control I mean I phoned the wife.
60 minutes later with fresh bedding we were back in the room and the little man was fast asleep.
Being a parent at times sucks but this is about a journey and I can comfortable tick that box, this weekend was special witnessing two people declare their love for each other and enduring a combined 19 hours in the car over 2 days was an experience which I wouldn’t swap for anything……….