It’s An Age Thing

With age comes experience, those choices we made when we were younger, just how different would we play those back today.

Another thing I have noticed is my intolerance of people, the older you become the less interested you become in bull shit – simply put – get to the fucking point.

One thing however that gets me every time and it needs to be changed is the Email you sometimes receive from the National Lottery. We have some exciting news about your ticket. Exciting– the thoughts of being able to retire at just 38, lavish yourself on some expensive yacht in the Mediterranean, deciding which (of the many) expensive cars you would buy first.

At this point your brain is frantically trying to spend millions so much so you make an error and misspell your password; this creates tension and frustration as you try again thinking that the next 30 seconds could change your life forever, hang on a free lucky dip, are you taking the piss.

It is about time they changed the subject heading, so for example if you have won a lucky dip or just £3.20 on the Euro Millions the Email should be polite, calming and informative explaining that it isn’t life changing at all. However, if you have won the jackpot the Email should be headline grabbing, telling you to sit down, breath, scream, breath, pass out, phone your employer and tell them to suck a fart out of your arse as you my friend are rich!.

Company Medical

Disappointment has continued this week, following my annual company medical to be told that I AM STILL OBESE and have done very little to change this from last year and the previous 3 years to that matter resulted in me popping through a McDonalds Drive Thru on the way home – comfort food.

Conscious of the comments made I ordered a Diet Coke (yes that’s correct) and a regular fries and hamburger, I was greeted with my Diet Coke but asked to park up for my burger and fries. My response was to the point – are you shitting me – I have ordered the most basic of options and I am being asked to park. Like a God I refused and was greeted with a smile and 5 stars and again asked to move – looking in my rear view mirror and the black Range Rover with Tinted windows and two youths wearing baseball caps (but the wrong way) reminded me that maybe I should listen to 5 starts and park my ass in bay 1.

Euros

In just 4 days we as a nation gather all of our hopes on Euro 2016 – dreaming of lifting the trophy and having to endure the endless pictures of that prostitute shagging hairpiece called Rooney, however let’s be honest – penalties will strike and we will be knocked out in the Quarter Finals.