Let’s Face Facts

Our first born will be 4 at the end of June, he lives the lifestyle of a celebrity, like a million album selling rock star with his own rider and demands – we as parents have failed because every fucking time we meet or more often than not we exceed his demands.

Never, never make the mistake of cutting up his carrots wrongly, or failing to peel a potato before cooking it, how have we got here, are we lazy parents or just shit scared of upsetting the apple cart because anyone with a toddler will at all costs avoid a meltdown.

DADDY – Where is my Ipad, probably where you fucking left it mate is what runs through my head, yet seconds later I am running around the house searching before the shouting wakes up the twins.

As a child I can remember the excitement of seeing Kerplunk for the 1st time, can you imagine how this would go down today, what…. The….. FUCK…… is…… this! – Ok I wouldn’t expect the language to be exact but you see where I am going with this.

Only a couple of weeks ago we ventured out for the day as a family of 5, we planned to stop for lunch but when it comes to food I don’t want to join the crowd in a family friendly pub paying for food which is below par, I want to enjoy my meal.

MISTAKE NUMBER ONE – did I really expect 7 month old twins to behave and keep the noise to a minimum, surprisingly they were both angels. It was technology that was to be the kick in the arse, within minutes the rock star was questioning why we had taken him to a place that doesn’t have WIFI, in his world this is a basic requirement of life – for fuck sake even the naughty step has WIFI.  Parenting Fail

TV on Demand, I can remember being ‘wrongly’ excited for when Channel 5 was launched, today with endless box sets or TV catch up, on demand from SKY he has no idea.

Paw Patrol with the over annoying little shit called Ryder and his six heroic puppies then we have Peppa Pig who made jumping in muddy puddles cool, yet as a parent fucking annoying – all of this instantly being streamed to a television.

Here technology has again been a kick in the balls, in the late 70’s where the picture quality was poor, it was clear and obvious that Mickey Mouse wasn’t in the room, yet with Ultra HD you can see why a child would be confused, hence thinking they could actually touch Iggle Piggle, he tried not once but several bastard times – this resulted in a new TV.