Expect the Unexpected

It feels liberating sat here and not craving my bed for once, the previous seven months have been hell – you may read this and feel that I am slightly overplaying this – yet as you will know I am a parent struggling with reality and living with twins.

Each night Twin #1 would awake – why because it would appear that sucking a dummy is beyond her current skill set – this wouldn’t normally be considered an issue but this was an activity which started before 10pm and would continue throughout the night and always involved her sibling joining in creating long and distant screams into the darkness.

As a parent you lie awake contemplating the options, none of which are humane but all readily available at B&Q and very reasonably priced too.

After 3 consecutive nights of no sleep, I couldn’t take anymore and suggested that maybe the wife and the twins move out, leaving me and the 3 year old to enjoy a life of football, takeaways and fast cars.

It was more of a rhetorical question but none the less it had to be asked, the wife however had an answer – she always fucking does and it always involved me spending money.

This was to sleep train the twins – fuck me – what the hell have we been doing these last 7 months?

This is where our new part time nanny came into the equation – like super nanny – yet younger and easier on the eye she moved in over a 48 hour period and took control.

What took place over those 48 hours was nothing short of a miracle, not only are we now a dummy free family (please insert your own joke here) but since that weekend the twins are now sleeping straight through for 12 hours every night.

I can now see that small glimmer of light – the tunnel is long but the light is becoming brighter, that said life will always throw something at you when you least expect it.

More recently this has involved my sons fist and my balls, without any provocation he has an aim like a storm shadow missile and hits the target every time, it would appear that watching me roll around on my knees and my wife laughing is all the encouragement the little shit requires.

So it has been a mixed week, with the added benefit of sleep but with a voice that allows me to sing walking in the air like a young Aled Jones isn’t what I was expecting during April.