Being Famous – Having Twins

I feel that being a parent with twins I must apologise to the general public, why did I not see this coming, I’ve always enjoyed swimming, so therefore I should have known that that my sperm would have followed suit, becoming olympic swimmers, easily capable of hitting the target, not once but twice.

It’s embarrassing to be honest, but yes there are twins in the family – how did we not expect this.

That said, the attention, the sympathy and then the damn right stupidity of some people makes having twins more difficult.

Then we have the clutter and the expense, having to purchase most things twice….


I have never wanted to be famous not being able to quickly nip to my local Sainsbury’s to purchase some chocolate – because I wanted some without drawing attention. But having twins it’s difficult to walk anywhere without being stopped.

I find it’s the blue rinse brigade they just cant help themselves, as a parent however you have a clear advantage, increasing the speed, quick sharp turns with the pram – being able to turn on a sixpence with the twins smiling wanting more you quickly morph into being  the Daddy Stig – stopping for no one, avoiding all eye contact until the shit hits the fan.

You can always guarantee that Twin 1 is loving the excitement, the thrill, the chase – Twin 2 however very quickly realises that this isn’t a game and begins to quite literally shit herself – this results in a 3 stage process, the bottom lip, the arm waving then the tears….. you try to push on but the tears increase and the level of screaming is starting to attract further attention. You have no alternative but to stop, franticly searching for the baby silencer (dummy) but your too late, you’ve been spotted and the questions begin…for fuck sake!

Oh my – You have your hands full…….. really what makes you say that? having twins….it can’t be easy.

At this point you wan’t to collapse – you cannot remember the last time you had a night of uninterrupted sleep, apart from the night you turned the monitor off (we all have a tipping point) having a shower is a luxury, wanting to engage in real adult conversation, but when this happens your too tired to really follow.

Then you have those adult twins – that approach you and instantly tell you that they are a twin – I struggle to respond, often explaining that I am not a twin so haven’t really got a fucking clue where this conversation will go – as clearly my twins fortunately are unable to communicate….weirdo!

So – if you see a parent with twins, do something nice, buy them a coffee – trust me they will appreciate this more than anything else.