This week I made an error, it’s not often I am willing to admit to my mistakes but this mistake had huge ramifications for my future sleep, you could even say that life will never be the same again.
It was a weak moment, we have all been there but on reflection…..I seriously fucked up.
The twins were having “one of those nights” they just wouldn’t settle, pretending to be asleep is a skill which I have mastered over the years and to be honest if this was a sport I would be pretty bloody good at it too.
However, my wife wasn’t making it easy, I had lost count on the exact number of times but we are talking double figures – it was like they were watching and goading my wife – waiting till her head had hit the pillow……… just then the baby monitor would jump into action not two or three but all five lights would flash and the torrid screams would rain through the monitor – this would then set off a chain of events.
Firstly me – not moving a bloody muscle, eyes closed, breathing controlled and lying completely still – my wife however, quite literally throwing herself out of bed, followed by an incredible sigh – I swear that she was trying her best to wake me.
After a couple of hours, I couldn’t take anymore, I broke it was a weak moment, like an out of body experience, my mouth opened and before my brain had chance to scramble the following “shut up – what are you suggesting” there it was I had said it, the look on my wife’s face was priceless – I strolled into the room with the twins and spent the next 4 hours up and down like a yo-yo comforting both of our daughters.
This was where my mistake had been, 3 and a half years, pretending to be asleep and unable to function in the early hours to support my wife was no longer a viable excuse, this had now become a shared responsibility – what was I thinking, why did I crumble.