Air Travel

This week I travelled to the Netherlands for work, I have been on a travel ban recently, not through football violence or some criminal activity but because as a responsible husband I wanted to be there to support my wife with the arrival of the twins……that’s bull shit – in simple terms my wife banned me from leaving the country.

I avoid budget airlines at all costs and would consider walking before flying with a budget airline, yet air travel is fascinating, firstly how the fuck does a plane stay in the air – a question which always enters my head as we taxi down the runway – they say that timing is everything but this thought creates both panic and despair.

It is a baffling fact that they are approximately 87,000 flights per day around the world, yet no airline has established or implemented a relaxed and smooth boarding routine. Most of us are given an allocated seat – yet the excitement to get on the plane first, it begins at the boarding gate.

Those patient travelers who arrive at the gate and hour before boarding begins, securing a seat at the front ready to pounce once the air handling member announces that we are ready to board.

Then we have the sneaky bastards, quietly circling like a shark but about 15 – 20 feet away from the gate, the microphone is lifted and within seconds they are falling over themselves to get to the front of the queue, the disgruntled look and sigh from those have been waiting in the prime seating location and have now lost out.

Then we have the business travelers – strolling up, head high, smiling as the handling team announce all those passengers who are travelling with a Gold Card or Business Class are invited to board, yes baby we are boarding first.

Once on the plane though it quickly turns into a scene from Monty Python, with people sitting down, then standing and moving as the person they are talking to has a window seat so they need to move, then we have those travelers who decide that once on the plane and stood adjacent to their seat that now would be a good time to remove there coat, scarf and jumper – but the thought to complete this undressing before entering the plane is just daft.

Only last night, during the boarding process, I was comfortably sat in my window seat the aisles were full and the air stewardess announced the following,

“Ladies and Gentleman, please be aware that we are currently re-fuelling the aircraft so can you please ensure that your seatbelts are not fastened and that we keep the aisles free from obstruction”

The irony of this announcement and the fact that we had circa 60 people in a single line moving every 30 seconds to find a seat which is there’s was incredible.

Fortunately I made it home safely – and this morning normal service had resumed with a nappy change with one of the twins at 0700 hours and cuddles from our 3 year old son, life really is all about the people you love that surround us.