A Fathers Guilt

Fathers Guilt

Returning back to work after 3 weeks at home with the newly extended family wasn’t an easy task this morning, leaving behind both girls and teddy our first born and knowing the pressures my wife will face today without me, it hurts.

I would imagine that this is similar to the guilt felt by mothers returning back to work after a long 9 months maternity, I have always loved my job, I appreciate that I am extremely fortunate to do something which I enjoy but something has changed, for once I want to be at home knee deep in nappies, the ongoing chore of washing and then sterilising bottles with a military style routine of feeding every 4 hours, to be an active part of family life for 3 weeks solid was….well simply fantastic.

I want to share every moment, however this won’t be at all possible as we have a lifestyle to maintain and this requires someone (ME) to go to work to provide for our family.

It isn’t all bad last night I slept for 6 hours, this is the first time for 3 weeks where I have experienced uninterrupted sleep, yet I feel awful for it, this is due to the sore throat I woke up with but secondly the guilt knowing that at 0230 am this morning my wife was wake single handily feeding the twins, then having the added pressure of getting them back to sleep whilst I openly lie across our Super King Size bed enjoying the quilt all to myself.

I appreciate that I need sleep as I am often driving hundreds of miles each day to and from meetings but at the same time it doesn’t remove the guilt that I openly feel, I guess what I am expressing is love and respect for my wife who for once is very much #takingonefortheteam.

There is often a gender divide between married couples, I guess we all each believe that we take the lion’s share of the shitty jobs but when it comes to childcare and in particular new-borns is it those that stay at home raising the children that have the shitty end of the stick. One would have thought so, yet those that have to return to work like myself are filled with guilt, then as an added pressure we often miss out of the first of everything, first word, first steps the list goes on.

Respect, understanding and appreciation is key – these are the foundations for any partnership to work, so without hesitation I would like my beautiful wife to understand and know that I respect, fully understand and appreciate everything that she has and is currently doing for our newly extended family.

I expect that in return this evening once I return home from work, I will find a 28 day matured fillet steak with fat chips and pepper sauce just waiting for me to enjoy – combined with a lovely glass of wine to help settle down before enjoying the Monday night football on TV.

I very much doubt it!