Why Me ……………….

My diet is awful and this can be confirmed further through the additional poundage that has found itself hugging onto my frame, approximately an additional 6lbs – I blame the pregnancy, through supporting my wife but this is bull shit – I am responsible and I should take control, I am however easily led. Just yesterday I was tempted by the fact that FAB ice lollies were reduced by 50 pence, how I could walk buy and not react was crazy, but did I really need to purchase 3 boxes – 18 lollies in total but a combined saving of £1.50 – I felt like a winner.

With just 7 days to go before the confirmed C Section both my wife and I are becoming anxious, we cannot leave the house without the pregnancy folder just in case we experience the breakage of waters. My wife looks in continuous discomfort and her temper is now shorter than anything I have or want to experience in the future. As previously mentioned this is a dangerous cocktail – I just cannot help myself and have to wind her up, I honestly think that this is a defect within my DNA system.

Unfortunately however I suffer from white coat syndrome, basically the dentist, hospitals and even doctors surgeries scare the crap out of me, when any of the pre mentioned are combined with a needle/injection my body shuts down, it simply just gives up and says Fuck This – I am off. Yet again I will not be present at the birth – assuming that we make the next 7 days and we continue with the C Section. I will be patiently waiting in a holding area for the news that they have been delivered successfully and that my wife and our newly born twins are ready to see their DADDY. I have to thank my sister in law for taking one for the team and being there with my wife, it pains me that I am not the one holding her hand and telling her everything will be ok, just the thought makes me feel all hot and sweaty, reality is I would pass out and probably cause more panic and stress on what is already an incredibly stressful time.

I have form for this – dentist chair November 2014 – I passed out before the needle even entered into the vicinity of my mouth – just the thought made me black out. April 2010, we had changed doctors and a new patient check-up which involved taking my blood pressure resulted in me blacking out and then waking up in the doctor’s car park in the back of an ambulance. This continues further and in 2007 I was given the responsibility of picking up my father and bringing him home after he had gone through surgery (Knee Replacement) I had managed to black out not once but on three occasions in the space of 30 minutes – this resulted in me being rushed out of the private hospital by ambulance to the Countess of Chester – government run (NHS).

Other examples have included me passing out whilst trying to administer eye drops to myself, fucking eye drops……………………………..