Let’s Plan

The twins received there eviction notices yesterday, 25th August is the agreed date for the C Section, let’s face it my wife is far too posh to push, but joking aside after a traumatic 27 hour labour with our son I can see why she is “taking one for the team”.

Everything has been planned like a military operation, the bags are packed the cars are full of fuel and instructions have been written to allow me to use such equipment as the washing machine, microwave and the cooker (without any wife supervision) I might just explode with excitement.

At present our house is full of footballs, cars, planes and dinosaurs I am honestly struggling to imagine how my son and I will adapt to all things pink, then there is the noise, two crying babies will be like listening to them in Dolby Surround Sound – crystal clear like a DAB radio station, I need to take stock, think, breath relax.

Its not working, if anything my breathing is getting faster and heavier and the realisation is upon us…..holy shit…..life is never going to be the same again. Let’s consider the benefits………writers block……I’ll put the kettle on……..I wanted boy’s I am not going to lie but then with two girls surely this should create an incredible bond between my son and I – my son will often say “just the boys daddy” and no doubt this bond will become tighter during the years…..unless he turns out to be gay, breathing faster………..struggling to catch my breath now but it honestly wouldn’t bother me at all, why should it.

Holidays, Christmas and weekends will be full of fun laughter and joy, just like a Disney movie, seriously who the fuck am I kidding – It is going to be hard but yet rewarding and with all the anticipation I am so excited to see what they look like, will they be identical, there is still a 33% chance that they will be.

The planning is now at its critical stage, booking time of work, liaising with the nanny and family on who needs to do what and be where at certain times – this could however all come crushing down and my wife could go into natural labour at any given time, but then this would seriously screw with the wife’s planning, I may suggest to her this evening what is plan B……..the panic will set in, then quickly (I say quickly for effect) but it will take her a while to get out of the chair then minutes later she will no doubt appear armed with a pen, a pad of paper and several post it notes and we will begin an evening of emergency planning.