Pregnancy Roles

UNICEF quote that between 130 and 136 million births take place annually, I often quote this to my wife for encouragement to let her know that she isn’t alone and also that she really needs to man up a little.

It must be uncomfortable and yes sleeping is difficult but should you really keep me awake half the night also? Then we have the weight gain, during our pregnancy (I like to refer it as our pregnancy) for our first born I literally put on about 12 lbs – this I simply put down to my support and being there throughout, additional portions, chocolate bars, milkshakes as a supportive husband I took one for the team and joined in with the 9 months of additional calorie intake – I manned up!.

In our house we have pink and blue defined jobs, for example;

BLUE JOBS

Washing Cars – Gardening – Emptying Bins – looking hot

PINK JOBS

DIY – Cooking – Cleaning – Complaining

However during the last couple of weeks we have seen a shift from the pink and into the blue creating a variety of purple – I like to refer to it as Lavender. DIY, this has been left alone even my wife in her tired state simply knows that DIY is not something that should be passed to myself, even discussed or let alone thought about, I admit I really am bloody useless. Cooking however is simple, how many of our wives’ or girlfriends actually cook, I mean really with raw ingredients – not simply removing a sleeve and turning the oven on and returning in 25 minutes and declaring that she cooked that fucking lasagne from scratch. This would be simple, however this means thinking of somebody other than just myself, you see we have different taste buds and often eat separate meals (thank god for M&S) however on 2 occasions now I have returned from the kitchen sat down with a smile and returned back to the kitchen in the stated 25 minutes and return with a hot cooked meal for myself………totally forgetting to cook my wife anything. As you can imagine with those pregnant hormones rattling around it wasn’t a pleasurable experience, however on the plus side the time spent loading the dishwasher was significantly reduced.

Cleaning – I like to vacuum around items, moving the Dyson quickly and efficiently, my wife however likes to take her time carefully moving items and vacuuming every inch of floor space, polishing follows the same process – I like to save time and polish what I can see, my wife will move items and clean bloody everywhere. I have calculated that through following my simple guidelines most women could recover on average 26 hours per year through time saved alone.

My frustrating experience throughout all of this is the continuous amount of time I waste hunting down items, I must look into every kitchen cupboard daily there is no logic – simply no logic of where my wife keeps items, I am sure she is moving items whilst I am at work just for her own amusement.

This evening’s meal consists of 2 Jacket Potatoes and salad for the wife – simple!